Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up in a tree and act like a nut.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.

Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.

What do you call a snake that works for the government?
A civil serpent.

Why do elephants never use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he felt crumbly.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.

Why did the elephant cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.

Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.

A shrimp's heart is located in its head.
A cat has a specialized collar bone that allows it to always land on its feet.
The lifespan of a single taste bud is 10 days.
The shortest war in recorded history lasted only 38 minutes, between Britain and Zanzibar in 1896.
The Eiffel Tower grows about 6 inches in the summer due to the heat expanding the metal.
A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch long, about the size of a large grape.
Sloths only defecate once a week and do so in a communal area.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken was 13 seconds.
The world's largest snowflake on record was 15 inches wide and 8 inches thick.
The oldest living organism on Earth is a Great Basin bristlecone pine tree, estimated to be over 5,000 years old.
A housefly hums in the key of F.
The largest pyramid in the world is not in Egypt, but in Mexico.
The total weight of all ants on Earth is greater than the total weight of all humans.
The world's largest hailstone on record weighed over 2 pounds and was nearly the size of a basketball.
The national animal of Scotland is the unicorn.
The world's largest living organism is a fungus named Armillaria ostoyae, which covers 2,200 acres in Oregon.
The Great Barrier Reef can be seen from space.
A rhinoceros's horn is made of compacted hair.
The world's largest pearl was found inside a giant clam and weighed over 14 pounds.
The world's largest volcano is Mauna Loa in Hawaii, which covers an area of 2,035 square miles.
The smallest mammal in the world is the bumblebee bat, which weighs less than a penny.
The tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body relative to its size.
The world's largest coral reef system is the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, which stretches over 1,400 miles.
The world's fastest ant is the Saharan silver ant, which can travel up to one meter per second.
The world's largest waterfall by volume is the Angel Falls in Venezuela, which drops over 3,212 feet.
The world's largest flower is the Rafflesia arnoldii, which can grow up to three feet in diameter.
The world's largest jellyfish is the Lion's Mane jellyfish, which has tentacles that can reach over 120 feet in length.
The world's largest snake is the reticulated python, which can grow up to 33 feet in length.
The world's fastest bird is the peregrine falcon, which can reach speeds of over 240 miles per hour during a dive.
The world's largest sea turtle is the leatherback sea turtle, which can weigh over 2,000 pounds.
The world's largest fish is the whale shark, which can grow up to 60 feet in length.
The world's largest mammal is the blue whale, which can reach lengths of over 100 feet and weigh over 200 tons.
The world's largest bird is the ostrich, which can reach heights of over 9 feet.
The world's largest lizard is the Komodo dragon, which can grow up to 10 feet in length.
The world's largest spider is the goliath birdeater, which has a leg span of over a foot.
The world's largest insect is the giant weta, which can weigh over 2.5 ounces.
The world's largest amphibian is the Chinese giant salamander, which can grow up to 6 feet in length.